FAQs.

What is copywriting? Is it just copying other people's writing lol?!

How dare you suggest such a thing. No, the noble art of copywriting is using the right words in the right order to convince people to buy from you. (Often by copying other people’s writing.)

Why do I need a copywriter?

Short answer: to make more money. Long answer: to make what you do more exciting, sexy, straightforward, funny, emotional, romantic and [insert desired adjective here], so you can make more money.

What stuff do you write?

Websites, landing pages, emails, adverts, scripts, tone of voice guidelines, packaging copy, product descriptions, creative pitch presentations, press releases, social media, internal documents, blogs and my dad's final will and testament.

What do you charge?

I have a flat day rate. Keeps things simple. I’m not the cheapest, but I’ll say this: if you find anyone cheaper, they won't be as good, and if you find anyone more expensive, they won't be as quick.

Do you do discounts?

If you're a charity, you get 14.28% off. If you're a start-up and are struggling with cash flow, we can work something out. If you're Jeff Bezos, I add a zero. Make that two zeroes.

Do you require a deposit?

If it’s the first time we’ve worked together, then yes - just like in the movies, I'll need 50% up front. And if you can pay cash in a Manila envelope that I can sidle into my inside jacket pocket whilst shiftily looking to see if we're being watched by the Feds, so much the better.

Are you a blue-sky thinker, big-picture seer, holistic 360-degree creative conceptualiser?

Yes. But if I hear you describe it like that, we can't be friends.

Do you work remotely or in-house?

Both. It’d be nice to spend some time with you on-site - if only to see how good your tea-making skills are. But if you’d rather work over Zoom (with a brew), that’s fine with me.

Will you do a test piece of work for me?

Absolutely, but I will be mean and charge you for it. Those Original Curry Flavour Pot Noodles don’t buy themselves, y’know.

Did you know you can't start sentences with 'And' and 'But'?

I'd love you to hire me. But if you genuinely believe that, it's probably best we don't work together.